Rainmakers Road

639

Rainmakers Road
And so it goes – these thoughts and emotions leaving me to wonder, what the hell is going on?
Initially I thought the irritability, tears, and annoyances were the result of nicotine withdrawal. But months later nicotine long gone – the emotions linger.
Unprovoked anger bursting onto the scene; rapidly spewing profanities as if I were the target of a Tourette’s attack.
Things people say, don’t say, movies, songs and yes even television commercials bring about tears. Folgers and Hallmark frequently elicit syrupy eyes.
I am not bothered merely by anger and tears, but the magnification of all negative thoughts and feelings as they relate to my sensitivities, insecurities, and inadequacies.
The symptoms began innocently enough – a warm flushed feeling that occurred inwardly, rising evenly – something between a whish and a whirl, depending upon the day. At first I was ecstatic for in my mind this meant the curse of Eve would soon be lifted.
Regretfully the curse has not yet departed, but persistently putters about able to unleash an array of rainmakers causing others to wonder;
Has she lost her mind?
Rest assured – I have not – I am merely beginning a new journey down perimenopausal road. Care to walk with me?
(DLC 11/28/11)

A year and a half later and I find many of these symptoms are still very much alive. Although I have gotten better at managing the anger outbursts, the tears – well they still come and do so pretty much out of nowhere. To say I am frequently blind-sided by the tears would be an understatement. Oh how I long for these things to simmer down.

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